Tortured.

to what end do you think for me, how easily you dismiss that which you profess,

to love and hold so dear. What quality of agony do you suppose is right, fitting for this my song. 

Silent. That abysmal hole, from which all my sucking wounds engorge from.

Where now that love so sweetly on your lips did settle once, a glistened jeweled dewdrop 

sweet to quench the most rabid thirst. Now a void upon your shoulder sits, 

looking down on me so slyly its boned and crooked finger upon my heart lays down, 

an icy touch to crack and spread, and forth, retching, I look, but nothing there, 

So quickly denied, loves silhouette, mere shadow dance, smoke. 

If there resides true heart for mine, adorn with breath with life, 

or else end your insult, free my tortured heart, for you still burning bright. 

A world apart

that familiar pain now settles snug softly on my gut,

that wrench up into my chest does pull upward in waves, 

again I see my world unfold, dissolve into emptiness, loathing myself my enemy

What egregious sin enacted this cycle, this darkened moons rising. 

A crime in passion, truer motive than any, so fair and empowered

purity struck down, an inconvenience of time, of growth.

Valiant efforts seen twisted, lie perverted amoung gutters filth, 

once more eviscerated the substance of joy tugged from its open womb and banished. 

Life's powder faced clown more interesting now, a capering fool, 

grinning with dripping grimaces and eager eyes, riches pouring from his snarl, 

beautiful bills float down, muffled laughter and champagne corks explode around. 

that dirty cabaret, in sticky simplicity, so alive, so sensual, a party of whispers everlasting. 

stumbled down, the rabbit hole winding into loveless oblivion. 

forget not that world apart and my arms, open, ready to catch, ready to hold. 

.   

What am I

My love so selfish a bitter struggle. gazing so blindly into your eyes,
to perhaps catch your glance.
scattered tokens, littered gestures I gather to my chest,
a glimmering shimmer, gone. was that joy I saw,
was that mine unto you, was I cherished.

Absent more and more, your strength high and low,
with every wane we watch the pieces fall and pick them up together,
with every elation I am exiled.
My price I pay, swallowed by the ground beneath me,
desired, both happiness and sadness, sharing all. can I be there.

Our time ebbs and unravels it seems, too many words too much love.
my presence so arduous, what use for this, what purpose now.
so new things evolve and simplicity a supreme ruler,
smoldering love weakened as fire dying in the wind, 
my hope dying with it.

enigma, facing me day after day it tortures, taunts,
tearing through sense and mind, leaving moors of madness.
enigma, your heart, my place therein, so hidden so terrifying that unknown
dare I fight more to find it, cast aside now I fear too much has slipped away
and in this days cold light, I am nothing to you and you are gone.

Please my love,

she's beauty like searing heat, like razor ice. The imprint burned on me
everything in her, her manner, the smile, that nervous twitch, fingers bitten,
so lovely and unique, such subtle signs glances and laughs, warm me, filling my heart.
She looks at me and kisses me. Mine and hers.

She tosses away her pride, the sake of being liked to please, too hard to dismiss,
a face a fun, a conquest she becomes for that sake.
dangled opportunity defecated in her path, so subtle with truth wrapped lies,
tangled in that heady web, vodka drenched and hazy.

turned around, lost spinning and in circles turning and twirling, swirled her eyes tear up
who now sees those tears but me in my loves eyes watching, waiting, yearning.
now lies that path away so close and new, nobody there but who she chooses,
a clear way to cleanse, cut free from incestuous delusions and whispers,
my voice is unwelcome and my hands are cut off, please. my love. please.

Where we belong.

neglectful silence, soothing you now, yet it hurts me, I hear nothing.

every minute seems drawn and dark, 

when days creep by so stealthy and slow. 

knowing your need, this a time for selfish self and simplicity, 

I hope though, that I dwell there for you, in your heart, in your thoughts, loves final truth.
or is that break too blissful a blessing, no hardship, no loss there sprung, no love.

My muse afar my head so tangled. Futures questions clambering inside me.
so unstoppable my resolve, holding on to shreds left, chance like cracks of light.
whatever hope we there have, wherever, in dark distance you keep.
sure to me my heart will stay affixed upon yours, and through alien tempest,
through hopeless plains our fight can continue there, seeking out the best,
searching to keep each other close, close where we belong, one day together.

My Greatest Gift.

As the tears roll steady down my cheeks, my eyes heated, pushed shut,
a breeze feels cold against the wetness, I open my eyes to see I am alone.
I look hard at myself, hard into the deepness of my heart. Asking hard questions there.
the answer again comes back, no truer warrant do you possess.
no stronger waters can cascade from within and what terrible drought awaits when they are gone.

A love I try to doubt, question when it pains me, yet is as unmoving as the earth itself.
no more confusion here, only clarity. My life a dull loveless chasm without you,
a thousand songs and a thousand miles would I unleash to reach you,
for you I will lay down still forever, to know your laugh will echo on and on.
But one is not enough, one is only one and these words are only words with it.
I speak through my tears and sadness, clear to me is my love, obscured to me is yours.
finally I see there through blur, through pain, that with my love my greatest gift to thee, is to depart.
With love, the strength to know you want no more. you want not me, not this way.

such sadness in your voice. I cannot bear it.

My butterflies beautiful dance will dance on, into the heights,
and my face in the yearning milling crowd will be swallowed,
A tiny glint below reveals my tears,
a weak smile,

for now she is free.

A fathers girl.

the sultry suggestion, provocative in guise and garb, evening departed.

a fathers girl. heels tapping on hot stone, dark hair swaying, caressing curves. 

Dark and smoky inside, eyes glint like pebbles in a pit, darting, licking in and out. 

from one to the next, none left unchecked. every pulled tight dress, bare skin reveal, 

every bright red pout and black fluttered lash a feast on which to gorge and ravage. 

the choice so unimportant, for she is as good as she, only to win, only to race 

to the inside, where the hammer must fall thrust after thrust, and then gone. 

A fathers girl every night ensnared but not her, not now, above it she rises, 

this endless depthless game beneath her slips and disappears. 

from shadow, escape awaits her outside those doors, breath of warmth, of love, 

here no smoke and bars stench can reach, a real person to her bound
sensuous allure invisible and null, through the image seen and so much more beheld. 

My Desire

With rosy views on contented souls I covet.
the paired now clasping one another smiling, a mocking glance imagined.

She to him and him to her, a knowing strength. A blanket over both,
warming icy doubts and blunting the teeth of deceit.

For here is no lie, no breath wasted on hurt,
A simple love, carried upwards as a warm breeze rising

to ears bent, she speaks of him, face glowing with proud affection,
no secret she keeps, that bond brazen and blooming, beautiful.

Onlookers unheeded, fanciers creep and crawl, tongues waggling at their groins,
with indignant scorns they are banished, none does she pay time or heed,

with this His calm harmony, his knowledge of her seeded tranquility,
that warming caress and doubtless present and future, stretching ahead into the horizon

Two sad wanderers

so drab the time passed,  time spent in grey lonely shades,

existing only, it seems, no warmth no excitement for within.

A ticking clock, a sandy trickle, only darkness on the horizon. 

Until paths with another did cross, true beauties agent upon me, 

another wanderer through the grey. A great emptiness on her carried.

yet in dusky light such sparkle from her eyes, such magic from her smile. 

colours creeping now, appear, no darkness can pierce this vision, 

our hearts sour together through cloud and rain, 

explosive reaction, as elements bonded together, that horizon now obscured. 

strengthened, deepened, a love through the earth buries, anchored to the core, 

perhaps though not enough strength for her, that emptiness so heavy a burden, 

time again it weighs her down and her feet do fail, and sadness, her eyes does cover.

through the swirling dust and gusts about, my hand I thrust to hers, 

gripping tightly she can feel me there, offering myself again and again, 

her thoughts turn to darkness, I see it, a magnetic pull to misery, for loneliness. 

to wander alone, accosted and lost. so close sometimes I feel it, 

the loosened grip, will she run into the night and leave me,

the worlds colour draining like blood from an open wound, to move alone again. 

but still my hand  holds tight, my eyes into hers searching, telling her 

I stand here for you and if you allow it, forever will we fight that burden you bear, 

that emptiness dragging behind you like a corpse, a frozen sneer on its face, 

you don't know me

So many doors have you kept closed to me,
a fools hope twisting, rattling and pleading, open.
what secrets beyond and below beckon me,
sneering in my face, ridicule a lovers heart.
your lips curl, venomous. how can you know me.
so many of my pieces veiled from sight, from you.

Sinking soul now, ground going gone,
the cornered Ass is me, eyes wide in stupid surprise.
what possible light can I shine in that sadness
that pit you make your home, those doors you keep shut.
my guise was never pretense and no answers claim found.
Only my hand did I offer, my will and love
per chance to break walls down and let light in again.