you will see my dear

sadness, the blanket for those who dare in dreams shadow, dance.
sorrow, adorning outstretched gaze to those we fear to love,
a teardrop poised defiant, locked in shut eyes, for those with heart to ache.
the tapestry a'weave with darkened poison threads,
drag along the floor my dear. forgot.
with anguish now, Art ablaze, newly spun with anger and light.
see all from atop. this our view, terrible acts abound frolic in filth
perfect despair perfect hung up a cross, turning all to dirt
risen in deep waters, romance swathed in fire,
fire to cleanse you'll see my dear, its near now.

Be Strong

Hear me my love, a cry to liven, 

to heighten, its heat a heartbeat, beating for you. 

every dark day I smile on you waking up hope, 

urging it out into pastures fresh and new. 

never cease falter fail will that hand to you stretched, 

a way forward, lifting through and above 

all rotted disease, those lifeless surrounds, 

entities of nothing, paying them no heed. 

new doors to us open, old ones 

bricked up, gone, vanished. 

loves cry from my lips, no question, no token I need, 

only return for me your smile, your heart impassioned

and strong from the strength inside you I see.  

 

Too far

sadness a chalice now pressed to my lips,
the cold touch numbs me softly.
eyes closed I drink, eyes closed I fight the silent
sitting quietly calm,
seas apart now my love from me.
a longing patter, a lightness in me.
as the wings of a trapped butterfly.
aching to soar free.
a beat skipped, lost. the heart confused.
somehow all is plain, a runner up, empty.
for tonight I miss you and you in me.

to keep you

winters misted breath, draws close around my chest and
icy teeth do shudders through my heart send coursing
reddened eye cast down, kicked leaves, dead, so tossed aside.
a blackened twinkle forms, my minds eye darkens.
what horror cold night nearing now, that parallel fear,
through the looking glass lurks, a stony face so close peers at me, broken.
that life across from me, in sad eyes, in tears i see it, rolling down gathering speed,
falling onto open palms, so white in darkness, so alone.
for here you are not. no joy no dawn and time a corpse,
frozen and baron.
this the world painted dark with your departed,
your absent smile no joy no light.
it cannot sing, this world without laughter, upon your lips it trickles,
no eyes a world can match, your sorrow your love your soul there lies,
such beauty never before beheld, my head a buzz so high
my heart in yours kept now, yours in mine, two halves met,
a flame flowering, into the sun the branches stretch,
new heights together entwined and far above the darkness now
a slithering whisper of black, fingers the ground and beckons.
but too loud is our love now, obnoxious, bright.
leaving all behind who doubt deceive to rot in the darkness beneath the mist.

Anything

when rise to anger, thoughts spun dark. a clouded brow cast down
when restless hate shadows empty minutes, hours drip by,
forget not that time away from time, the distant cry
side by side your own, to you, your other.
what lurking grief upon shoulders pushed,
that weight a load to me shared, with eager hands,
to pick and grab, gusto driven with ached heart,
to all ends, the earth's corners no distance,
a sweetness now I know that no task no burden,
for you I will not do.

Whole With she

half of me apart, sensing now, always, that pull, a gap,  

the seething ocean in me now separates my heart to two

the stretching void a gnawing ache, a tarnish on my sky, blue but not right somehow. 

there around me all, green acres plush, turn golden on rocking branches, 

yet all a tainted view to me, without a smile so sweet and eyes deeper than darkest pool,

swallowing me down in a dizzy magic, beyond beauty, they tease me

to every day my picture paints her there, that no part of my life she cannot grace. 

and with every rising moon closer to my arms is she, 

and make a half man right again, whole with she. 

forget me not

remember me thy rock once called.
remember me, my tears for you hath shed. 

pushed outside beyond sight, slain is my hope this lonely night. 

forget me never, cherish my passion, brazen, blind. 

forget not loves true arrow loosed 

sours not for all your beauty beheld but all else you are, 

a complex flaw, furrowed brow in angers rise,
a twisted path through darkened ruins to be rebuilt.
This is truth, gleaming through thick dirt. Hardly seen now. 

I wait in foolish hope, that sober light, does wake your heart

glimpsing truth through black filth and reddened eyes, 

and with hoarse reprise, cough up the mad confusion 

declaring me yours, and feeling the warmth spread to a happy smile. 

Finding me

blurred thoughts, fists clenched. My eyes squeezed tight shut.
the years an ache on me, the shadow spilling out, touching my heart with fury.
longing for retribution on no man, on every man, with swollen rage I will take them, merciless
within, deep, so hidden. A crack of black darkness, terrifying, liberating blackness.
like an addicts folly it hides inside my tears, now steaming, streaming down my face.
sword in shaking hand, a downfall of strikes, cutting down, a despaired wild animal now free.
living and dying sometimes so similar to touch, that line now too obscured and my pain turns on me. 
and for myself I look to the hourglass to see nothing left. Only my own face, death all along.
Found me at last.

Tortured.

to what end do you think for me, how easily you dismiss that which you profess,

to love and hold so dear. What quality of agony do you suppose is right, fitting for this my song. 

Silent. That abysmal hole, from which all my sucking wounds engorge from.

Where now that love so sweetly on your lips did settle once, a glistened jeweled dewdrop 

sweet to quench the most rabid thirst. Now a void upon your shoulder sits, 

looking down on me so slyly its boned and crooked finger upon my heart lays down, 

an icy touch to crack and spread, and forth, retching, I look, but nothing there, 

So quickly denied, loves silhouette, mere shadow dance, smoke. 

If there resides true heart for mine, adorn with breath with life, 

or else end your insult, free my tortured heart, for you still burning bright. 

A world apart

that familiar pain now settles snug softly on my gut,

that wrench up into my chest does pull upward in waves, 

again I see my world unfold, dissolve into emptiness, loathing myself my enemy

What egregious sin enacted this cycle, this darkened moons rising. 

A crime in passion, truer motive than any, so fair and empowered

purity struck down, an inconvenience of time, of growth.

Valiant efforts seen twisted, lie perverted amoung gutters filth, 

once more eviscerated the substance of joy tugged from its open womb and banished. 

Life's powder faced clown more interesting now, a capering fool, 

grinning with dripping grimaces and eager eyes, riches pouring from his snarl, 

beautiful bills float down, muffled laughter and champagne corks explode around. 

that dirty cabaret, in sticky simplicity, so alive, so sensual, a party of whispers everlasting. 

stumbled down, the rabbit hole winding into loveless oblivion. 

forget not that world apart and my arms, open, ready to catch, ready to hold. 

.   

What am I

My love so selfish a bitter struggle. gazing so blindly into your eyes,
to perhaps catch your glance.
scattered tokens, littered gestures I gather to my chest,
a glimmering shimmer, gone. was that joy I saw,
was that mine unto you, was I cherished.

Absent more and more, your strength high and low,
with every wane we watch the pieces fall and pick them up together,
with every elation I am exiled.
My price I pay, swallowed by the ground beneath me,
desired, both happiness and sadness, sharing all. can I be there.

Our time ebbs and unravels it seems, too many words too much love.
my presence so arduous, what use for this, what purpose now.
so new things evolve and simplicity a supreme ruler,
smoldering love weakened as fire dying in the wind, 
my hope dying with it.

enigma, facing me day after day it tortures, taunts,
tearing through sense and mind, leaving moors of madness.
enigma, your heart, my place therein, so hidden so terrifying that unknown
dare I fight more to find it, cast aside now I fear too much has slipped away
and in this days cold light, I am nothing to you and you are gone.

Please my love,

she's beauty like searing heat, like razor ice. The imprint burned on me
everything in her, her manner, the smile, that nervous twitch, fingers bitten,
so lovely and unique, such subtle signs glances and laughs, warm me, filling my heart.
She looks at me and kisses me. Mine and hers.

She tosses away her pride, the sake of being liked to please, too hard to dismiss,
a face a fun, a conquest she becomes for that sake.
dangled opportunity defecated in her path, so subtle with truth wrapped lies,
tangled in that heady web, vodka drenched and hazy.

turned around, lost spinning and in circles turning and twirling, swirled her eyes tear up
who now sees those tears but me in my loves eyes watching, waiting, yearning.
now lies that path away so close and new, nobody there but who she chooses,
a clear way to cleanse, cut free from incestuous delusions and whispers,
my voice is unwelcome and my hands are cut off, please. my love. please.

Where we belong.

neglectful silence, soothing you now, yet it hurts me, I hear nothing.

every minute seems drawn and dark, 

when days creep by so stealthy and slow. 

knowing your need, this a time for selfish self and simplicity, 

I hope though, that I dwell there for you, in your heart, in your thoughts, loves final truth.
or is that break too blissful a blessing, no hardship, no loss there sprung, no love.

My muse afar my head so tangled. Futures questions clambering inside me.
so unstoppable my resolve, holding on to shreds left, chance like cracks of light.
whatever hope we there have, wherever, in dark distance you keep.
sure to me my heart will stay affixed upon yours, and through alien tempest,
through hopeless plains our fight can continue there, seeking out the best,
searching to keep each other close, close where we belong, one day together.

My Greatest Gift.

As the tears roll steady down my cheeks, my eyes heated, pushed shut,
a breeze feels cold against the wetness, I open my eyes to see I am alone.
I look hard at myself, hard into the deepness of my heart. Asking hard questions there.
the answer again comes back, no truer warrant do you possess.
no stronger waters can cascade from within and what terrible drought awaits when they are gone.

A love I try to doubt, question when it pains me, yet is as unmoving as the earth itself.
no more confusion here, only clarity. My life a dull loveless chasm without you,
a thousand songs and a thousand miles would I unleash to reach you,
for you I will lay down still forever, to know your laugh will echo on and on.
But one is not enough, one is only one and these words are only words with it.
I speak through my tears and sadness, clear to me is my love, obscured to me is yours.
finally I see there through blur, through pain, that with my love my greatest gift to thee, is to depart.
With love, the strength to know you want no more. you want not me, not this way.

such sadness in your voice. I cannot bear it.

My butterflies beautiful dance will dance on, into the heights,
and my face in the yearning milling crowd will be swallowed,
A tiny glint below reveals my tears,
a weak smile,

for now she is free.

A fathers girl.

the sultry suggestion, provocative in guise and garb, evening departed.

a fathers girl. heels tapping on hot stone, dark hair swaying, caressing curves. 

Dark and smoky inside, eyes glint like pebbles in a pit, darting, licking in and out. 

from one to the next, none left unchecked. every pulled tight dress, bare skin reveal, 

every bright red pout and black fluttered lash a feast on which to gorge and ravage. 

the choice so unimportant, for she is as good as she, only to win, only to race 

to the inside, where the hammer must fall thrust after thrust, and then gone. 

A fathers girl every night ensnared but not her, not now, above it she rises, 

this endless depthless game beneath her slips and disappears. 

from shadow, escape awaits her outside those doors, breath of warmth, of love, 

here no smoke and bars stench can reach, a real person to her bound
sensuous allure invisible and null, through the image seen and so much more beheld. 

My Desire

With rosy views on contented souls I covet.
the paired now clasping one another smiling, a mocking glance imagined.

She to him and him to her, a knowing strength. A blanket over both,
warming icy doubts and blunting the teeth of deceit.

For here is no lie, no breath wasted on hurt,
A simple love, carried upwards as a warm breeze rising

to ears bent, she speaks of him, face glowing with proud affection,
no secret she keeps, that bond brazen and blooming, beautiful.

Onlookers unheeded, fanciers creep and crawl, tongues waggling at their groins,
with indignant scorns they are banished, none does she pay time or heed,

with this His calm harmony, his knowledge of her seeded tranquility,
that warming caress and doubtless present and future, stretching ahead into the horizon

Two sad wanderers

so drab the time passed,  time spent in grey lonely shades,

existing only, it seems, no warmth no excitement for within.

A ticking clock, a sandy trickle, only darkness on the horizon. 

Until paths with another did cross, true beauties agent upon me, 

another wanderer through the grey. A great emptiness on her carried.

yet in dusky light such sparkle from her eyes, such magic from her smile. 

colours creeping now, appear, no darkness can pierce this vision, 

our hearts sour together through cloud and rain, 

explosive reaction, as elements bonded together, that horizon now obscured. 

strengthened, deepened, a love through the earth buries, anchored to the core, 

perhaps though not enough strength for her, that emptiness so heavy a burden, 

time again it weighs her down and her feet do fail, and sadness, her eyes does cover.

through the swirling dust and gusts about, my hand I thrust to hers, 

gripping tightly she can feel me there, offering myself again and again, 

her thoughts turn to darkness, I see it, a magnetic pull to misery, for loneliness. 

to wander alone, accosted and lost. so close sometimes I feel it, 

the loosened grip, will she run into the night and leave me,

the worlds colour draining like blood from an open wound, to move alone again. 

but still my hand  holds tight, my eyes into hers searching, telling her 

I stand here for you and if you allow it, forever will we fight that burden you bear, 

that emptiness dragging behind you like a corpse, a frozen sneer on its face, 

you don't know me

So many doors have you kept closed to me,
a fools hope twisting, rattling and pleading, open.
what secrets beyond and below beckon me,
sneering in my face, ridicule a lovers heart.
your lips curl, venomous. how can you know me.
so many of my pieces veiled from sight, from you.

Sinking soul now, ground going gone,
the cornered Ass is me, eyes wide in stupid surprise.
what possible light can I shine in that sadness
that pit you make your home, those doors you keep shut.
my guise was never pretense and no answers claim found.
Only my hand did I offer, my will and love
per chance to break walls down and let light in again.

adolescent

surprised by joy at meeting glance, even now I fear to hold that gaze, 

my heart a quicker time does keep, about me quivers, shudders roll. 

older sense devolved, unwound, before my shaking hands they fall, 

into youthful spins, highs and lows, excitement there, so new it seems, 

boyhood fears now visit, like an memory revived, and into your 

stunning eyes I lose my years and stand there feeling weak and small. 

So strong the feeling after seasons gone, forever shy,

forever humble. in beauties sun I bathe and am in love. 

True Beauty.

beauty beheld, such tired tortured acclaim, easily uttered out of depth, out of soul,

so shallow in its praise, sicken is its meaning, droplets in an ocean. 

But see you now I do. My eyes wide, and shy even now shrinking inside. 

No false grace, no depraved fools dream before me now, 

only you, disguise removed, real face and frown, sadness and smile, 

A smile so lovely, so perfect, eyes dark deep and playful.

that tempest nature, a dark emotions gale cannot eclipse

only enrich those eyes, your smile and your all, so complete, 

In its beauty, and beauty in its truth so Beautiful. 

Not letting go

Silence, my enemy, the place of whispers within, a creeping finger, laying doubt at my feet,
So capricious in her air is she, how suddenly my waking dream does end.
the dream a love exclaimed, so loud and wonderful in verse. A true love washing over me,
This summers day expressed, now silent in its chorus. I assure my heart tis silent only, not gone.

A love so strong when unlocked I feel, like his love for me it burns bright and wonderful,
my sadness like broken glass, all over me it sticks, I look around to see only depraved and lustful eyes,
a helpless endless band of nothing, nobody. He stands for me waiting, above the ocean filth,
looking at me now with eyes of affection deep, and boundless worried care, I see his smile, missing me.

Waiting now its pain stretched across my chest. The unknown gnawing at me,
I seek truth but fear its edge, its stark and clumsy advance, unwanted grope a kiss tried and failed,
the antic in my head now acted and that dark imagination driving forward my anger and anguish.
Long for her gentle hand in mine to hold and to all fears dispel in her loving kisses embrace.

Return to him now, away from all my hate, to that one who knows my every frown, my every darkness.
In his words, his face, I see a worried heart, a love to move my legs when I fall down,
and in my quiet to draw me close. No more delay in my words no longer do I wait,
To him I run and in his arms my love expressed, and tightly by his warming smile do I hold, not letting go.

Chastised

angry eyes turned with words like knives,
twisted into soft skin cutting harshly.
the sorrow of suprise, the unsure footing
how quickly turned around and falling.

No trespass there committed and no fault laid,
my love is constant for your anger and sorrow,
they fall against it like water on rocks strong and unmoving.
with every harsh word spoken against my chest,
a seed is planted, and grows a deeper bond therein.
that strength smiling warmer, deeper than any angry word.

A lovers hand holds tight.

how fragile is a heart that with passions fire beats hard and fierce. 

stoked with longing this flesh is bound to another, another heart, a wholeness, a privilege. 

that one beyond all logic denied and distance kept, a hearts desire to keep, 

that connection so deep, to be lost would be to despair.

Every ebbing smile and downcast gaze, a piece of flesh is stripped and dies, 

the weakened strength strains and bulges, ripping sinew pulls forward and smiles, tearful eyes, smiling through. 

with fight and grit it draws that power, ferocity unleashed, to love is to not stop, not tire. 

Through pain and answers none, a lovers hand holds tight, standing at the edge of the abyss. 

That great emptiness stretching forever into darkness, its lifeless nothingness. terrifying. 

strength now damned and hands pushed away, their love unheeded, unwanted. 

broken flesh and a lovers open hand reaching, sad eyes questioning, crying

watching in horror as into the chasm that great love falls, eyes shut. not seeing. not hearing. 

a lovers hand shudders and is still, the fiery embers of that fragile heart turn to ash, 

lost to the void and unknown, crying out for its second, its friend.

silence in the night, no answer from the depths, turning around, 

that dark bedfellow, that creature despair now beside me smiling in the shadows. 

The K Factor

Through the night sky she moves, as the butterfly, 

beauty without poise, No flourish, no act acted, yet eyes upward dart, 

and hearts forward race. crazed senses, a manic madness upon all

thrown, and down deep down they feel it grow. 

Those all around, I see it, some sickness in their heads anew, 

logic abandoned and sense held back, for now they see her, 

only her they see before them, toxic, magic so dark its night engulfs them, 

know her they must, have her, they will it so strong. 

The grace of her dance, her flutter through their dark lives, bewitching all with its beauty, 

but catch her they cannot, sweated brow and grasping hands jumping and clawing the sky, 

too high she flies for them, their clumsy advance nothing but passing shadows on the dirt. 

For only the finest flower in the sweetest meadow will she adorn, when the sun rises and the darkness is gone. 

She will choose Chaos.

Too strong a love is this, that partings dawn hath too cold a bite,
drawing blood along its edge, fresh and bright and hot.
The intertwining too twined tight, the tug, that pull, so weak to move.
Earthly wants turn to air and dust, and about mine stinging eyes it whirls and is gone.

Joy abandoned now, a wandering need, a desire for chaos.
beaten I lie, between my fists. Pound by pound I feel the flesh from bone be peeled,
naked then I writhe, prone, exposed, to clawing talons below, those seething, pulsing figures,
from the darkness they wait, heavy hands push deep, gripping in lustful spasm.

I look on, no cry can I make, my hands hold nothing, hanging down so helpless,
The past is passing me in my mind, I spread it around my feet,
So delicate those times gone by, I gaze at them, and one last cry I utter,
I look up, soon She will choose chaos and I will watch and stand strong for her.

A Journey,

A winding road down deep chasms trod,
the years slide by, greased and slick and sly
At this corner I now stand, my bag at my feet, alone and wretched I feel,
no colour do I see, no hand do I hold, no purpose to me.

What end is there for I, when I cannot find a beginning.
a long stall I endure, my eyes tired and watery, and strained.
My heart sad and scornful, many patches it bears, not broken but scarred.
This corner I must conquer, this tomorrow I must see.

The past pains be my tinder, the pain today will be my spark,
the spark of my new step, my next foot forward.
How thick and stank the air is though, how it chokes and scratches at me,
betrayed are my feet, betrayed is my step, one more fall I must take, one more. One more.

Musing.

Romance is what a lady loves, or so they say. However love overdone is perhaps our biggest downfall. By 'our' I refer to the romantics, the men who, like me, love with their heart mind body and soul. My greatest love, the girl I still love now. for her I built a cathedral of love. It may sound cliche and sickening perhaps, but my belief is that love should not be quashed and doubted and ultimately ruined. It should be expressed and embraced.
Freud once said, "we are never so helplessly unhappy, as when we lose love". And to this end I have set myself up for suffering. I loved with all my being and smiled into the face of doubt day after day.
What is the point of this musing? I'm not really sure. I suppose these days I start to doubt my own ability to be in a happy and fulfilled relationship, or the likelihood that I will find that relationship. Did I pick the wrong woman to love? Again. Or is it just as the roll of the dice.
I also begin to doubt the women of today. What do they fall in love with? Time and time again we see the now cliched relationship of abuse and infidelity. It has become commonplace it seems to be unfaithful back and forth between two partners. Have we become so obsessed with meaningless sex? It does have its place in society, now seemingly high and revered. My albeit limited observations tell me that real love and above that perhaps, respect  is dwindling. Divorce and affairs are so commonplace, its desensitizing the people out there in the world. The television programs glorify people who make their living by being base, uncouth, deceitful and unfaithful. What chance do the men like me have in this growing organism, this orgy in the middle of the room, how many more people are going to jump in and who will be left to escape with?
This notion of 'living your life', seems to be a very powerful idea. It seems to capture and nurture that conception of wasting your life in a relationship. That being single and answering to no-one is some heady dream to be achieved. Perhaps its more about societies diminished desire for responsibility. How terrible it must be to be responsible to someone and have them be responsible for you, how terrible that someone would care for your whereabouts, your safety, your life.
Of course there are plenty of people who do subscribe to this, and there are also plenty of people who are just not ready for this perhaps, some people who need to experience that loveless existence for however long it takes.
 Perhaps I wasn't loved enough as a child, perhaps my mother ignored me too many time and I'm now overcompensating by trying to secure a solid relationship so desperately.
Or maybe its not measurable in psychobabble and maybe Its just the most natural instinct in the world. Do instincts ever die out? Will marriage and relationships be extinct in a thousand years? I hope not. I carry on, I will nurse my broken heart and once more lead a loveless existence. Hopefully not for too long though. I have a lot of love to give. Here's hoping there's still someone out there who wants the bloody thing.

The Song Bird

My heart a winter’s song doth sing

A winter quiet and dark and cold, 

A single birdsong icy wind doth bring,

 Deafening silence through the mist doth roll,

For no springtime voice can yet be heard, Only

My heart crying out like a lonely song bird. 

Cheesy rhyming poem

This one is about a love not returned, the inspiration for this one was being in love with a girl who loves me deeply but cant show it for personal reasons.

For all my effort, energy spent,
my love, my time, my feelings meant.
I realise with a sinking pause
how one sided, my love not yours.

where to go, how lost I feel,
my heart racing, a breath I steal,
A step I take, to where, with who?
But move I cant, as love her I do.

The tears I dread, I start to shed,
clawing their way up inside my head.
The dizzy spin of loss, of her.
the one who's smile and eyes I adore,
The one I wish to hold so tight,
The one now gone into the night.

My Rose

By no means do I claim to be a great poet or even a great thinker. I am simply a man in my mid 20s finding himself heartbroken again and instead of getting easier its getting harder. This poem is about said relationship and the pain of losing it.


The deserts pale and bleakness through,
and through, it covers all with its sticky heat,
a riptide cuts deep, turning the Lovers Loveless,
writhing sinew and claws claw deep, their moans
moaning, heady, their hearts blackened, burnt
at the pyre of lust, and deceitful eyes smile in the darkness.

In this loneliness, in this void, a glimpse of Red from the beige,
out of dim. The light fades, The Rose looks down,
perhaps in shame, it casts its shadow.
Picked now for my own, this beacon, this red salvation,
adorns my sill, my soul is lifted, refreshed, fulfilled.
A love does bloom therein, so supple so full, so pure.
Day after day my ache grows stronger,
The Rose is beautiful,

The Rose wilts. I see it from my hiding place,
I see it, I fear it, I cannot bear it.
That desert Rose now lies dead in my shaking hands.
My tears it does not dry, my plea it does not heed.
On the ground I must place it, and once more the desert tread,
Alone. Empty. My Rose i will not forget you.
My Rose, I Love You.