Musing.

Romance is what a lady loves, or so they say. However love overdone is perhaps our biggest downfall. By 'our' I refer to the romantics, the men who, like me, love with their heart mind body and soul. My greatest love, the girl I still love now. for her I built a cathedral of love. It may sound cliche and sickening perhaps, but my belief is that love should not be quashed and doubted and ultimately ruined. It should be expressed and embraced.
Freud once said, "we are never so helplessly unhappy, as when we lose love". And to this end I have set myself up for suffering. I loved with all my being and smiled into the face of doubt day after day.
What is the point of this musing? I'm not really sure. I suppose these days I start to doubt my own ability to be in a happy and fulfilled relationship, or the likelihood that I will find that relationship. Did I pick the wrong woman to love? Again. Or is it just as the roll of the dice.
I also begin to doubt the women of today. What do they fall in love with? Time and time again we see the now cliched relationship of abuse and infidelity. It has become commonplace it seems to be unfaithful back and forth between two partners. Have we become so obsessed with meaningless sex? It does have its place in society, now seemingly high and revered. My albeit limited observations tell me that real love and above that perhaps, respect  is dwindling. Divorce and affairs are so commonplace, its desensitizing the people out there in the world. The television programs glorify people who make their living by being base, uncouth, deceitful and unfaithful. What chance do the men like me have in this growing organism, this orgy in the middle of the room, how many more people are going to jump in and who will be left to escape with?
This notion of 'living your life', seems to be a very powerful idea. It seems to capture and nurture that conception of wasting your life in a relationship. That being single and answering to no-one is some heady dream to be achieved. Perhaps its more about societies diminished desire for responsibility. How terrible it must be to be responsible to someone and have them be responsible for you, how terrible that someone would care for your whereabouts, your safety, your life.
Of course there are plenty of people who do subscribe to this, and there are also plenty of people who are just not ready for this perhaps, some people who need to experience that loveless existence for however long it takes.
 Perhaps I wasn't loved enough as a child, perhaps my mother ignored me too many time and I'm now overcompensating by trying to secure a solid relationship so desperately.
Or maybe its not measurable in psychobabble and maybe Its just the most natural instinct in the world. Do instincts ever die out? Will marriage and relationships be extinct in a thousand years? I hope not. I carry on, I will nurse my broken heart and once more lead a loveless existence. Hopefully not for too long though. I have a lot of love to give. Here's hoping there's still someone out there who wants the bloody thing.